


There Are Monster In My Head

by ciely



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gore, M/M, Mental Illness, TW: Blood, haven't really done this before, slow build I guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 17:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciely/pseuds/ciely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being able to see monsters usually meant something was wrong, especially if others can't see them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They're Not Under My Bed

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter fic, let's hope I don't mess this up.

It all started when I was 10. I remember it being so terribly fear inciting that my heart felt that it had to stop, stop to save my soul and mind from the terror. I stood still, frozen, unable to do anything. My mother walked into my room to check up on me. I wanted her to go away, because what stared at me. What stared at me was something unfathomable, it stared at me with huge eyes and a grin as it tore into the flesh of a man. Its eyes green.

My mom felt the fear that I felt. She hugged me, held me. Trying to melt the ice that encased my limbs. “Eren? Eren, what’s wrong? Are you fine? Are you hurt? Eren… Please tell me.” My mother’s voice rang through my ears. Finally the ice melted and the water that came from it began to escape from my eyes. My voice cracked filled with grief, “Mom.” She held me tighter, happy to hear my voice. “Mom, please…please don’t leave me.” She grasped me “Eren, I will never leave you. Eren, I love you so much.” She stayed with me that whole night, sharing her motherly warmth. The warmth I wish could have stayed with me longer.

…

When I woke up I was alone. “Mom?” My voice was croggy. “Mom...Mom?...Mom!?” I got out of my bed quickly and ran to the kitchen. My mother was stirring her cup of coffee, while she hummed a song. I ran up to her. “Mom” I grasped at her dress, relieved. But then I got angry. “Why did you leave, you promised you wouldn’t leave. You promised.” Thought of my nightmare came back. My mind coming up with scenarios in which she left me. My impulsiveness got the best of me. I began to cry. “Eren calm down.” She rested her hand on my head. “You were asleep…” “Shut up!” The words left my mouth before I could restrain them, she looked at me shocked. “You don’t talk to me that way young man.”, her voice turned stern, she was hurt.

I didn’t want to fight with her so I ran up to my room. On my way up the stairs I ran into Mikasa.  “Eren, are you crying?” Mikasa looked at me with her piercing black eyes. I rubbed the stray tears away, “No.”

After I got ready Mikasa and I walked out of the house. Mom saw us off with her usual words. Mikasa waved goodbye, but I ignored her. Still feeling a bit betrayed. You might think I was exaggerating, but what if that thing came back. I would’ve been alone.

As we turned the corner my worries came true. Another of those things appeared. I ignored it, telling myself it wasn’t real. We met up with Armin, and another appeared. I didn’t ask anyone if they could see them. It was clear they couldn’t.

…

After school Mikasa and I walked with Armin to his house. When we were close to his home a cop car went blazing past us. We wondered what could have happened. I was the first to run towards the direction of the cop car. Mikasa and Armin followed after me.

My heart knew what was going to happen. Since I started to see those things I knew nothing good would come from them.

We approached a place that was familiar to us all. A place that held our childhood, the place that ruined mine. As the scenery came to view, I saw red. Splotches of blood, somewhere in the chaotic scene I saw familiar brown hair. Before Mikasa and Armin saw what I saw, I quickly covered their eyes. They tried to peel my hands off. But I pleaded with them not to fight back.

An officer saw us. He quickly told one of the rookies to take us away from the scene. The rookie came over to us. He pulled us away. He tried comforting us. “Hi, um…my name is Hannes. You can’t go over there.” He tried keeping his composure although this was his first time out of the office. He was shaken, he never heard of such a thing happen in their town. For over ten years there was nothing like this. The most that have ever happened were a few burglaries here and there. But not what he just saw.

Mikasa and Armin didn’t ask any questions. They saw that I wasn’t ready or up for answering anything right now. As I looked toward the direction of the crime, I saw one of those things. Hanging loosely from its hand lay my mother. I couldn’t look away as its teeth tore through my mother’s body. The force spattering her blood everywhere, a drop of blood landed on my cheek. I felt it, the warmth that used to be my mother.

I was taken away from my illusions as I heard the squeaky wheels of a gurney pass over rocks. As if life had not been satisfied enough, a cold pale hand fell out of the body bag. The wrist was pointed toward us. There I saw written in black ink, my name.

***

                Sitting in the warmth of the fire I sat on my mother’s lap. I carefully examined her arm. That’s when I noticed that it had an anomaly. I recognized what it was, as I had learned how to write it at school. “Mommy, why is my name witten on you?” She looked at me, taking a few seconds to see how she should answer. As she searched her mind I tried rubbing it off. To my wonder it never did. I looked at her again and asked “Why won’t it come off?” She looked at me and held my hand. “It’s a tattoo. It’s something that never comes off.” She played with my fingers. “I got your name because I wanted something to remember you by, every single second of the day.”

***

            I stayed staring at her wrist until one of the paramedics set it back in its place. Mikasa and Armin stood next to me. They saw it this time. The rookie looked at us, he said nothing. He didn’t know what to say. No one knew what to say.


	2. One Way Ticket

I wish I could say that after my mother’s death, the monsters had left my mind. I wish I could say they took pity that my mind became cracked with her death.

 No, they took advantage of my mother’s death and began to seep through. Everyday my illusions became more and more a part of my life.

I told no one about them. Like I told no one about how my mind was set on revenge. Since that day I had begun an investigation of my own. Today was the day I would find them. Today would be the day that I would make that man suffer the way he made my mother suffer. I had newspaper clippings set on my wall. A red string set on things that pointed to other things. You could say I had become obsessed.

You could also say that I had developed an unhealthy habit of talking to myself. But what you didn’t know is that with my illusions came an acquaintance. He was one of those monsters; he was the first one I saw. I would stand in front of mirrors speaking to him. Planning and discovering.

I had acquired a hunting knife from one of the school thugs. I had sharpened it till it could slice through the flesh of an elephant. Not only did I prepare this knife for this day, but every day I worked on making my body into the fittest it could be. I put on a black hoodie, some comfortable blue jeans, and slipped the knife in the hoodie jacket.  I looked at the mirror, and I no longer was Eren. I became the monster, who I was inside.

I put my hand on the doorknob as I was about to turn it when Mikasa interrupted me. “Eren, where are you going?” I turned to look at her. It seems she was watching a late night show. “I’m just going to take a walk, the night seems really fresh.” She flipped the channel as she responded “Okay, be careful.”

I opened the door and began my walk to find the person. I had kept tabs on them for a week. It all began with the few suspects that the police had gathered with their investigation. Then the case went cold. They had no leads. But I had invested these past five years finding out who it might be, preparing myself.

It wasn’t till I had looked at the pictures. The pictures held the clue.

I begged Hannes to give me a copy of the crime scene photos. He advised me not to see them and that he wasn’t allowed to do such a thing.  Yet I bugged him and bugged him. He let me see them, but he didn’t give me copies.

The first time I saw them I threw up. The scene before me was even more horrible then what I would have guessed. My mother’s torso was cut open. Someone had gutted her like a fish. Her eyes were open. God, I wish I hadn’t seen them. The fear that was encased in them had penetrated my soul.

Hannes asked me if I wanted to leave it for another day. I told him I would be fine. I inspected the photos I tried not looking at my mother’s body. That’s when I found the clue; I noticed that my mother didn’t have her ring on that day. I was my grandmother’s ring. She only wore it once or twice a month, being extra careful not to lose the precious family heirloom. It was silver; the stone encased in the middle was a shade of blue that looked green if the light hit it at a certain angle. Why didn’t I remember this detail? I held my head in my hand in frustration.

From there I guessed that the killer took it. And that he must have pawned it off. I went to every pawn store there was in our small town. Each one I went to told me that they never saw the ring.

 Surprisingly I found the killer out of the blue. I was standing at a bench contemplating other clues when something glinted. I looked and found the ring that my mother treasured, the ring that her killer had stolen.

Since that day I had followed him. I found out about him. I followed him, learned his habits, the usual. The one thing I didn’t know was his name. I knew it was him though, his features were identical to the monster that had devoured my mother those five years ago.

I had followed him from the bar he frequented.  He then turned drunkenly to an alley way. He seemed to be waiting for someone.

I took my chance, I slammed him against the brick wall. Anger had coursed its way through my veins. Somewhere along the way it had made a friend, I’ll call it insanity.

“ _Hello you piece of shit. I’m the express way to hell. Hope you have your ticket. Ha ha, I’m sorry I see it’s on your neck._ ” The man looked at me with surprise. Then he looked at me with interest. “Who the hell are you?” he asked. My fingers twitched, my breathing became harder. Thoughts of the various ways I could make this man suffer made my fingertips giddy. The many ways there were to splatter his blood across the walls.

“ _I’m just a Hunter_.” At this point the monster that I was, let loose. With all my force I began to beat the man to a pulp. My fist had found there target on his face and my legs began to kick him. I kicked him so hard I heard a crack. It came from one of his bones. But his scream of pain filled me with giggles.

“ _I thought you’d put up more of a fight._ ” I punched the man. The man said through the blood that covered his mouth. “Why are you doing this? You sick fuck.” He spit at me. I kicked him once again. “ _You’re calling me the sick fuck. I wasn’t the one who decided to gut someone just for the fuck of it_.” At this time he kept his look on me, “So karmas getting me back, huh. I knew you looked familiar. You have the same glare as she did.” I didn’t want to listen to the bastard talk, recount my mother’s death. He took his chance and swung, he hit me on my side. I kicked him once again. He limped as I got closer to him, cornering him. “You know she begged for her life. The way she begged was so…”

'Don't talk about her.' I lunged at him, and once again began my brigade of violence on the man, it wasn’t a one sided fight though, that bastard got a few punches in. I probably got a black eye and some bruised ribs. 

At some point he stopped fighting back. As he knelled trying to keep consciousness I grabbed my hunting knife. I don’t know what came over me but from this point I just did what I saw fit. My brain feeling as if I did this before, somewhere.

I grabbed the man’s ear and right where it joined his skull I began to slice. I didn’t do it quickly; I did it slice by slice. When I held his ear toward the moon I saw my monster-self grin.

“Stick your hands up!” A police officer held his gun shakingly. His flashlight lit my face. “Stick your hands up or I-I’ll shoot!” I looked at the bloody mess beneath me. He must have passed out from the pain. I began to laugh. “Stick your hand up or I’ll shoot!” The officer warned me again. I stared at him, his body began to shake. I stood up, he took a step back. I dropped the knife and the ear. I then held my hands up. 

He called for backup on his radio and for paramedics. He didn’t handcuff me, he was too afraid to do it himself. When his back up came I saw Hannes. He looked at me wide eyed. He was the one to handcuff me. He whispered to me as he led me to a police car, “Why did you do this Eren?”

 I answered him, “ _I was just paying him back for what he did to my mother. I still have to kill him._ ”

Hannes looked at me and with a guilt ridden voice he said my name, “Eren.”

When I looked out of the window of the cop car I saw the monster that had devoured my mom standing a few feet from the scene. He was taunting me, smiling that smile of his. My monster-self stood across the street. His eyes stared at the smile with hatred as his breath congealed in the cold night.

I should have killed that man.

…

I was booked in. I wasn’t allowed to call anyone. I was being held for a psychiatric evaluation. As I waited for the shrink, I took my time staring at the one-way mirror of the interrogation room. Staring back at me was the giant that had my eyes.

The steel door opened. A small man with the dark gray eyes that reminded me of a cloudy day, like the ones I found myself staring at often, waiting for the clouds to weep, looked at me. His features where beautiful, he was breath taking, as breathtaking as the cold raindrops that fell from the sky. He introduced himself. “Hello, my name is Levi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes and hope you enjoy.


End file.
